Gifts from the Heart

‘Tis the season to give and receive.  But perhaps it’s also the time to examine your gift-giving motives.  Ask yourself the following questions:

Do you shop for gifts that will make you look fabulous and generous?
Are you giving out of a sense of obligation?
Is your giving motivated by what you’ll receive in return?
Do you over-give as a way of making yourself feel better?
In effect, is your “giving” all about you?

Genuine giving involves putting a lot of energy into someone else’s needs and perspectives.  Often, the most important gifts aren’t the ones that come wrapped in beautiful packages, but the ones that come from the heart in the form of a sincere effort to show love and support.

For example, do you have a friend who is struggling with young children?  How can you lighten their load?  An offer to babysit might be the very best gift you could give that parent.

Is there an elderly or ill person in your life who would love nothing more than an in-person visit from busy old you?

Do you know someone who’s just created a website or is starting a new business?  Have you visited their site, read their materials and tried to spread the word?

Do you give candy or chocolate to someone you know is struggling to control their weight?

Do you make a point of responding to people who take time to contact you?

Do you offer encouragement and compliments freely and liberally?

My point is that it’s easy to get caught up in giving things that reflect well on you as opposed to putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and creating a gift of yourself that is truly meaningful to them.

Go forth and give of yourself with authenticity and good cheer.

Holiday Blessings,

Yesterday, I did my very first Blog Talk Radio interview.  It went really well, thanks in large part to the wonderful interviewing skill of the host, Deborah Wilson.  Deborah is an intuitive Angel reader / healer, and a most powerful and awesome personality.  If you missed the live broadcast, you can hear the archive at BlogTalkRadio.

I have to admit that I had a LOT of fear and trepidation about doing this.  There is a large part of me that simply wants to stay cocooned in my tiny little office, churning out journals, blogs, Examiner.com articles, tweets, Face Book posts and web-site copy — safe from outside scrutiny and criticism.  All good things, of course… but I need to do more.

I need to realize that I have a message worthy of delivering to people who are interested.  I need to answer all calls to deliver that message – not pick, choose or refuse the ones that feel too risky for my delicate ego.

When I drove up to Boulder to meet with Deborah, she had me penciled in as a guest on the show in about the first five minutes.  Fortunately, she had the grace to let me choose the date, and naturally I chose one far enough in the future that I didn’t have to hit the panic button right there in her Angel room.

But of course, the scheduled date kept getting closer.  To combat my nerves, I decided to be diligent about preparing ahead of time.  I listened to quite of few of Deborah’s archived shows so I could get a feel for the tone, the structure and her audience.  I paid close attention to how she interacted with other guests, so I’d understand the process.  I reviewed my own website so the content would be fresh in my mind, I made notes and I practiced a few inner dialogs.

So I was as ready as I could be when we started yesterday.  I believe that preparation paid off and I’m really pleased with how the interview went.

But more importantly, I feel empowered.  Facing my fear, stepping out of my comfort zone, believing that Spirit would be there with us, taking a big breath and forging ahead is powerful stuff.  Even if the show hadn’t gone as well as I’d hoped, the act of suiting up and showing up would have been enough to be able to say to myself “You did it!  Yay for you!”

So friends, if you are called upon to do something so out of the ordinary it unleashes an explosion of self-doubt and sweaty palms (but generates a spark of excitement at the same time), I hope you will choose to ignore the fear and accept the challenge with gusto and grace.  And I hope that by doing so, you get to enjoy the feeling of exhilaration and empowerment that comes from walking through fear and getting to the other side.

Yours in Positive Change, 

My friends and family know I was born with an addictive personality.  Addictive behavior is really easy for me — it’s definitely my behavior of choice.   My mantra was always “just one more.”  I hardly ever said “I’ve had enough.”  I applied the “just one more” principle to nearly everything that felt good.  That practice led me down a spiraling path I hope I never have to travel again.

When the day came that I finally had to deal with my addictive demons, journaling became my “go to” tool.  I journaled to express my feelings of anger and deprivation, I journaled to set goals and outline a plan of behavior modification, I journaled to relax, and at times I journaled to escape.

I believe that addiction is a subset of the “disease of self.”  To me, the disease of self is the gap that exists between how we see ourselves and how we really are.  It’s based on denial; we don’t want to see ourselves in a bad light, so we rationalize, justify and outright lie.  We say to ourselves:  “Oh, I’m not that bad.  Everybody does it.  They just don’t understand.”

Addiction isn’t limited to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or gambling.  People become addicted to food, power, money, sex, anger, chaos, drama, love… you name it.  One of the first steps in bridging the disease-of-self gap is to get honest with ourselves.  Journaling is such a great tool for recording the truth.  Regardless of the addiction you’re fighting, journaling can help you begin to see yourself as you really are, envision who you want to be, and take steps to make it happen.

This month’s Positive Change Challenge is to take an honest look at yourself; to identify character defects or even addictions that you need to address and then outline a plan for improvement.  I hope you will decide to use journaling as one of your tools.  If you need help getting started, please try a Journal for Positive Change.

Yours in Positive Change,

Lovelier Thoughts, My Dear!

Does anyone remember the scene in Peter Pan where Peter teaches the children how to fly?  All it took was a dash of Tinkerbell’s fairy dust and some “lovely thoughts.”  As each child let go of skepticism and embraced the the best thing they could possibly imagine, they slowly rose into flight.

That may have been one of my earliest messages about the power of positive believing.  I admit I had a bit of a let-down though, when I stood on top of the TV, thinking positively brilliant and lovely thoughts… but lift-off never occurred.  I always blamed that failure-to-launch on lack of proper fairy dust.

So, while believing I could fly never did get me airborne, it nevertheless got me to try.  I believed I could do it, so I gave it a go.  No fear of failure kept me from blasting Mary Martin on the record player, pushing a chair up to the mammoth black-and-white TV console, climbing aboard, flapping my arms and singing “I’m Flying” at the top of my lungs. 

Looking back, I don’t remember being disappointed in the outcome.  I didn’t really have an investment in the outcome; I was more interested in the experience.  What I do remember was being lost in the moment… of imagining I was soaring along with Peter and Wendy and feeling as joyous and free as trusting young children can.

Many of us lose that against-all-odds ability to believe in ourselves.  That’s the belief that fuels our passions and forges dreams.  It is so often replaced by fear of failure, a demon that erodes self-confidence and convinces us we shouldn’t even try.   Every missed opportunity to “give it a go” takes us farther away from being the person we dream about being.

Where are you along that continuum?   Are you pursuing your dreams today?  Is your belief in yourself strong and thriving? Or has fear of failure crept in and prevented you from daring to try something new and exciting?

Here’s a Positive Change strategy:  Take a moment to recapture your own early memories of I-can-do-anything belief.  Is there a defining experience you can re-live or share with someone else?  Dig deep and really go for it!  Get back in touch with childhood enchantment and optimism and see if you can re-ignite your belief in yourself and become inspired to take a step closer to achieving your dreams today.

Yours in Positive Change,

Since creating Journals for Positive Change, I’ve attended quite a few events centered around health and spiritual awareness.  I’m somewhat aghast at the number of people who are promoting seemingly “instant” paths to self-transformation.

 While I believe miracles happen all around us on a daily basis, I don’t believe there is a miraculous shortcut for effective and lasting positive behavior changes.

I’ve certainly put time into looking for an “easier, softer way” and my conclusion is that enduring health and happiness come from actually being the person you really want to be; and that happens by doing the things you really need to do.  In a word:  ACTION.  In two words:  DO IT.  In three:  DO IT NOW!

In my experience, improving my health means I have to make healthier choices on a daily basis.  I can’t just sit around and think about those choices, I have to execute them.  No genies, no magicians, no poofs.

The achievement is in the execution.  The peace and satisfaction is in the achievement, in feeling good because I’m doing the right things.  This applies to all areas of personal wellness — emotional and spiritual as well.  By the way, journaling is one of the best tools I’ve found for staying motivated and engaged in “right” action.

Still, I’m intrigued.  My inner child, the one who still believes in fairy godmothers and who demands instant gratification, is wondering:  Is there a magic potion out there for personal growth?  Has anyone found one that works and keeps on working?  Please share your thoughts… inquiring minds want to know!

Yours in Positive Change,

Stamped & Self-Addressed

Have you ever really studied your self-talk?  Take a moment to reflect on your inner dialogue.  What tone of voice do you use with yourself?  What kinds of terms?  Many of us don’t speak kindly to ourselves.

When you make a mistake are you quick to express self-blame and disapproval?  Do you tell yourself how stupid you are or wonder how you could have made such an idiotic decision?  Negative self-talk can be damaging and defeating.  Over time it can set you up for repeated failures.

You may not even be aware of your negative self-talk because it can be sneaky and subtle.  Your lightning-quick mind may go so fast you don’t actually hear the words it is using, but you can definitely feel the negativity.  That underlying bad feeling can squelch positive progress in a heartbeat.

Your inner voice can be your biggest cheerleader!   Today, make a commitment to speak to yourself in the way you would speak to a dear, close friend.  Use encouraging terms and a gentle tone of voice.  Show yourself the patience and tolerance you show others. Consider adopting a friendly and loving nickname for yourself and develop the habit of using it.  No one will hear but you!  The goal is to radiate positive energy from the inside out.

You’ll be surprised at how improving your self-talk can brighten your perspective and help you meet the challenges of the day serenely and successfully.

Yours in Positive Change,